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On Communicating...

Communications Between Males and Females

by

Annette Buchanan-Phillips

 

Communication is the foundation of every relationship; and it can be the basis for building or destroying one. The greatest challenge is honesty. The second is congruence or genuineness. The third challenge is self control. With that mastery comes trust, and without it disrespect.

In most communications there is an agenda, for one or both parties. The agenda may be readily apparent, or it may be hidden, disguised, or simply manipulated through others. Honesty, implies disclosure, not necessarily revealing every thought or detail of personal history; but a willingness to admit to an agenda.

Many times the agenda hinges on how much time each party intends to invest in a positive or negative outcome from the beginning. When people are committed to learning the nuances, of another; the implication is a trust building motivation and a long term "relationship."

Yet many encounters between men and women, are simply exercises in competition for ultimate control. Roles, and motivations are centered around conquest, more than understanding, and true dialogue.

What is the time on our biological clock? How fast can I get this person into bed? All I really want is sex, and no commitments, no strings, no entanglements; therefore conversation, and understanding takes more time and effort than I want to invest. Am I honest enough to admit that though; and accept the reaction without animosity?

The ability to allow another to express their true intent, and not over react, resort to violence, or manipulation; takes self control and a great deal of willingness to communicate. Not many people can profess to accept another person as they are; without imposition.

Communications A. B. Phillips

-2-

The basis of all communication is a sender to a receiver through a medium and sometimes a haze of noise and always filters of, values, environment, and gender specific role expectations. It is a wonder that anyone understands any one else. Yet, we haven’t ceased to send and receive messages, verbally, via body language, and by our senses. All day every day, we are surrounded by communication.

At the end of the day, in our leisure time, a silent touch may mean and convey more than a thousand words, and even less questions. Sometimes, the best communication is better felt than heard. Sense messages, are perceived on an entirely different level. It is the quality of the message, that is the sustaining force; more than the quantity.

The quality, reveals the agenda completely. Listening paves the road to understanding, quicker. Observation, is more believable than a deluge of argument, and much more pleasant.

For me, the most memorable time spent, were the quiet moments, because then I could feel a connection or a disconnection. Probably, the most attractive cohesive appeal of any encounter, is genuine positive regard being transmitted from another person.

When you think back, what made you smile then; may make you smile now, if you felt that warmth of acceptance. The comfort that comes from being real and feeling that someone else really liked being in your presence. The laughter, the smiles, the sharing true feelings are what will last. Those times with nothing to gain, and nothing to lose, are the building blocks of true communication.

It is worth the effort that it takes to weed through the less than genuine to find the genuine. The payoff is priceless, and ir-replaceable; and defines the quality of all of our lives and interactions.

Communications A. B. Phillips

-3-

The greatest feelings of loss, or loneliness are that sense of deprivation when we have assessed a relationship or an interaction has left too much unsaid, unfelt, or felt unaccepted. It is conveys that somehow we have been perceived as less than valuable, or we have failed to accomplish an agenda.

 
 
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SunRise Cove: A Wholistic Comedy.  by Nieholi Abradin  

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The Art is the Window to the Soul of the Artist.  Art Speaks a Language of  IT'S OWN!!!

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   Annette Buchanan-Phillips, MA, PhD  

                                                                                    The American College of Metaphysical Theology

 

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